This is my first attempt at ever writing a blog.. so here it goes.
I have been a sufferer of anxiety for almost two years now, and from my experience it’s a waking nightmare. For some, anxiety is a normal reaction of the human body, much like happiness, or sadness, but when one of those emotions becomes out of control, the results aren’t pretty. For a long time, anxiety felt like the only human emotion I could possess, at times it made me angry, at times it made me cry so uncontrollably for what seemed like no reason at all. Why? I didn’t know why, but it always resulted back to the same feeling I know all too well.. overwhelming fear.
I became emotionally, physically, and socially drained, finding my only solace with being completely isolated from any social or physical activity, and soon enough leaving the house became a task I would have to prepare for, life was not the same. For me my comfort zone was being able to escape, so being out with friends, going to work or going to the gym wasn’t an option. I began obsessing over the thought of being trapped, not being near an open door, or a bathroom, anywhere I could be completely alone… the thought terrified me.
Something I found hard to come to terms with was why this had happened to me, why me? I had a great life, a loyal and devoting partner, a loving family, and great friends. But as selfish as it sounds, that didn’t matter, nothing mattered and nothing I did changed how I felt. All that I knew was anxiety, and slowly everything around me began simultaneously crashing down.
During what felt like the longest year of my life, involving countless visits to my doctor, counsellors, hospitals, endless google searches, and streams of reassuring messages repeating the words: ‘you are fine, there is nothing wrong with you’ I started to feel completely hopeless.
Since then I have come to understand everything I needed to, to help me recover. I learnt to control the panic attacks, and eventually they stopped altogether, and I learnt to live with my mental health. I emphasise the living part, because I never felt like I was before. So my goal (after gaining at least a couple of followers.. I hope) is to continue regularly writing in this blog, it’s purpose to help others, as well as a cathartic way for me to continue in my recovery.