Decisions decisions…

It’s been a long time since I last wrote a blog post, as I spent the first 5 months this year desperately looking for a job, as I was stuck in the rut of being unemployed and miserable. This was an opportunity for my anxiety disorder to return to its original state, as I was allowing it all the tools to feed on an empty and unoccupied mind.

At times, yes I had low points, and at times I felt anxious and panicked about the lack of energy, money and enjoyment I had in my life. I attended several interviews that I believed went well, I built up a confidence after defeating my mental illness that began to fade away after so much rejection. I could not understand why I had such bad luck when it came to interviews, after being so successful in them during the earlier stages of my career choices.

This confidence slowly subsided and I gave up all together, I felt like I would never work again and I would never have the tools such as money and motivation to achieve anything I wanted and needed.

After having a conversation with my cousin, who had recently began a job as a Care support worker I began to realise why I felt so unfulfilled. After applying and attending many job interviews for administration, marketing, and other forms of office jobs I realised that I was making the wrong choices. After all my anxiety was first brought on and worsened by working in positions that involved long hours in an office on the end of a phone and a computer, and couldn’t understand why I felt the need to have so many days off sick with anxiety.

At the end of April I went for a role as a care support worker, and quickly being asked in for an interview. I had never worked in care before, I had only cared for family on a personal level and was apprehensive to how I would fit in this type of attentive role. I got shown around the building before my interview, and got to see the amazing facilities and opportunities they had for all the young adults with disabilities, and in my interview I truly thrived as I knew that this was what I wanted to do.

I was offered the position immediately after my interview ended, they believed I had the passion and the attributes to fit perfectly within this company, I was over the moon. It was a months wait before my training started, which I have just completed and the people I have met, and all that I have learnt has truely humbled me. I feel excited to get up in the morning and go to work every day. I know I am making a real difference to the lives of people with physical and mental disabilities every day, giving them the independence to make their own decisions and choices about our life, which is something we all need to learn to do.

This decision, and career change has impacted my mental health in a really healthy way, to the point I barely even think about it. Making the decision to make changes in your life is extremely important for your mental health state, even the smallest decisions have an impact. I also became more selective about who I trust, and only surrounding myself with people that benefit my life in positive ways, because otherwise whats the point? Life is too short to allow yourself to suffer at the convenience of another person.

My partner and I recently celebrated our two year anniversary, who has given me the best two years of my life. I am so grateful to have such a supportive partner, and such a healthy, generous and understanding relationship. I am also lucky to have such a great family, and, although small, circle of friends who I trust. Anxiety is not worth jeopardising the life you have in front of you, and the people you have with you every step of the way.

Keep fighting the good fight ❤️

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